Monday, November 7, 2016

Trump Delusion Syndrome: Do You or Your Loved Ones Have It?

Trump Delusion Syndrome is a sad debilitating condition that has swept the United States of America in the past year. Psychiatrists say we haven't seen anything this bad since the great Progressive Flu of the 1920s and 30s. If you have any seven of these ten symptoms, you may have TDS.

  1. You believe that there are only two choices in the presidential race despite the actual number of names printed on your ballot and the presence of a space on your ballot for a write-in vote and you believe that somewhere in scripture there's a text that says, "Thou shalt vote for the lesser of two evils."
  2. You believe that if you don't vote for Trump, that automatically means you voted for Hillary, but if you don't vote for Hillary, it doesn't mean that you automatically voted for Trump.
  3. You believe that, whatever thing you want the next president to do, will be done by Donald Trump no matter what he might have said to the contrary during the campaign or actually did during his life as a casino/strip club owner and indicted racketeer.
  4. You believe that Donald Trump has suddenly become a Christian despite evidence to the contrary and will in any event, surround himself with good people who will help him to do the right things, even though that has never worked at any time in his entire life to make him any less sleazy and despite repeated statements anyway by the Donald that he "doesn't bring God into it."
  5. You believe that, if he wins, God will use Donald Trump the way he did Cyrus, Sampson, Nebuchadnezzar and Elvis to do good in the world and that God will not use Hillary Clinton in a similar manner if she wins. 
  6. You believe God is a Republican and that voting for a Democrat is a mortal sin.
  7. You believe that God can forgive and use Trump who claims to be conservative even though he is not and doesn't believe in asking for forgiveness anyway but that God will not forgive and use Hillary who claims to be a moderate despite being a card-carrying Marxist and doesn't believe she needs forgiven for that either.
  8. You have called good friends "cucks", "traitors", "liberals" and all manner of other unseemly names and accused them of wanting Hillary to win just before blocking them on Facebook so you don't have to listen to their arguments against voting for your Cheetoh Messiah anymore.
  9. You plan to blame Donald Trump's election loss (if hell doesn't freeze over and he wins), on the very conservatives who told you they would never vote for him way back when you were busily putting him on the ballot, even though Donald himself said he didn't need them to win and you believed him.
  10. You believe that anyone who votes for a third party or independent candidate and not Donald Trump is going straight to the special hell - the one reserved for communists, axe murderers, and people who drive with their turn signals on.

* Note: TDS is very similar to Liberal Delusion Syndrome save that it tends to strike persons of somewhat higher intelligence and robs them of significant IQ points.

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