Shadow Banned

 

"Shadow Banned"

Tune: “Yesterday”
Parody by Tom King

Twenty ten, I could post all of my stuff back then,
To criticize Obama weren’t a sin
But Dems didn’t know how to shadow ban

Years ago, you could see all of my Twitter posts.
Now it looks as though my posts are toast.
Oh, I believe I’m shadow banned.

O’ I got 3 strikes, traffic to my blogs was killed, well yikes.
Less than half my Facebook memes get likes.
My content's banned it’s too far right.

My readers they had to go?
They say I violate
Community standards.
Now I’m banned till a future date.

Yesterday, social media wasn’t totally gay.
Now my stuff is mostly hid away.
O’ I’m debunked, I’m here to say.

Why I have been banned
I don't know, they say it was me.
I don’t remember limiting.
Who my posts could see.

Shadow banned, my peeps can’t see my recipes.
I need a place to post what I please.
Oh, I’m, shadow banned I do believe.

I’m shadow banned I do believe.

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm.

 

The TRUMPINATOR 5000. You Too Can Be a Trump Supporter!

Hello friends and neighbors. I'm Newt Gingrich. I'm not a smart man, but I pretend to be one on TV hoping to get a cabinet job if Trump gets elected.

Are you a conservative?  Hate Hillary Clinton, but having trouble swallowing Donald Trump as the Republican nominee? Well have I got good news for you.

Today, Trumpco Products has the answer for you and don't you want to know what it is?

It's the Trumpinator 5000! 

Yes, the exciting new Trumpinator 5000 is the perfect gift for yourself or, if you are already a Trump supporter, then, for all those of your principled conservative friends who refuse to climb on the Trump Train. 

It's fast, it's easy and it's fun. And let me show you how it works.

First, you place the head of the anti-Trump individual, the Cruzbot or #NEVERTRUMPer between the patented pans like so.

Note: We're using the simulated head of pesky conservative talk show host, Glenn Beck here because no matter how much money we offer him, he won't sell us Trump advertising and he keeps pointing out all the problems with Trump. And besides we never liked him because he doesn't intimidate when the RNC tries to lean on him. And boy would we like to get that melon between the patented pans!

With the head securely in place, simply take the patented Trumpinator 5000 persuader mallet and whack the pans until the individual stops talking and begins to drool. It's just that simple and don't you want to know how you can get one?

Now for just three easy payments to the RNC of $19.95, you can own the ultimate tool for "persuading" your friends or yourself to support Donald Trump with your votes and your money and your blind loyalty.

The Trumpinator 5000!

Get yours today. Don't be left out. Fun for the intellectually vapid and herd beasts of all ages.

Just call 1-800-Trumpinator today.

NOW YOU CAN MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS INTO TRUMP FOLLOWERS TOO!  

WITH THE TRUMPINATOR 5000

Order yours today.

© 2016 by Tom King

Ron Klain is.............Czardoz!

Klain is amazing. Faster than a speeding bullet, he dodges questions from Fox News reporters with lightning speed and agility. More powerful than a Goldman-Sachs vice-president, he twists news media to his will. Able to leap to totally unwarranted conclusions in a single bound. It's a lawyer. It's a spin doctor. It's Czardoz!  - The Huffington Post

Strange creature from Harvard Law School, Czardoz and his willing accomplices in the media wage a never-ending war against truth, justice and the American Way!    - Al Gore

When I saw him step out behind that podium, a tingle ran right up my leg. - Chris Matthews

I want to have his children!    - Gwyneth Paltrow



© 2014 by Tom King

I Demand My Rights as a Hyphenated-American!

In this age of hyphenated citizenship, I'd like to proudly proclaim my membership in several minority groups which, I believe, should receive special dispensation.  I am:

• A Bearded-American
• A Cracker-American
• A Texan-American
• A Dog-Loving-American
• A Poet-American
• An Honor Student-American
• A Writer-American
• A Nerd-American
• And, sadly, part of a shrinking minority - The Christian-American

I have, throughout my life, been the target of bullies, jocks and cheerleaders because of my hyphenated status - pushed into reviled minority groups by the cliques, good old boy networks and self-appointed celebrities in my little corner of the world. I believe my minority status should be formally recognized as a disadvantaged/frequently threatened group.

So when can we get started with the affirmative action programs, the special provision for our groups in federal grants-in-aid and the protection from criticism for our own stupidity by the mainstream media?

I demand my rights!

Just sayin'

Tom King © 2013

Che' Defects to G.O.P.

Dateline:  7/12/13 - California

Famed revolutionary Che' Gorilla announced today that he is joining the Republican Party. "I didn't leave the Progressive Socialist Workers Party," he told a press conference from his home base at the Sandy Diego Primate Habitat, "They left me!"

In related news, baboons protesting Che's defection cancel their hunger strike when it is discovered that skipping meals would make them not only hungry, but ineligible for Federal banana subsidies.

Legalize Pot - I'm Finally Convinced

(c) 2013 by Tom King

The Ron Paul people have finally convinced me {insert snort of derision} that legalization of pot is good for capitalism.  I even have a slogan for the campaign.

Legalize Pot 

Weed out the competition!

or this:

More Pot

Fewer dimwits in the workforce!

or this idea for a campaign name:

Mothers for the Legalization of Weed!

Bring our boys home 

(We have empty basements.........and pudding)

or this:

Make Pot More Expensive 

Nationalize the Marijuana Industry

or this:

Let's Put Pot Under Obamacare

Raise the price, reduce availability and destroy 

the marijuana industry all in one fell swoop!

Next time I'm asking the Bus driver to roll down the window....

I have a headache.

Tom

Separated at Birth?

James Carville and Lord Voldemort?

J.C.:  Trust me, they'll improve your aim a hundred percent, Bro.

L.V.:  How do you keep these things on?

J.C.:   Hey, you're the magician. Conjure up yourself a nose for cryin' out loud!