We Bards Have Our Work Cut Out for Us!

Time for the Bards to rise up and save football!

Having unsheathed my word processor of late in the great cause of shining light on hypocrisy, oppression and outright stupidity, I find myself being called "mean-spirited" for characterizing yesterday's Thanksgiving football game here on the left coast as the San Francisco Homeless vs the Seattle Porch Pirates. I'm sure some snowflake out there must be offended by the names of those two teams. The 49'ers for whom the San Francisco Football team were, after all, money grubbing gold-diggers who certainly didn't pay their taxes. And a Seahawk is a predatory bird who kills for food - hardly an example of proper Veganinity for the youth of California and Washington. So I said we should, in the spirit of the Washington "Commanders", change the team names to something more in keeping with the image of the two great cities they represent.  

And at least such a name change wouldn't ruin the whole point of the matchup like they did by changing Texas' Thanksgiving day classic between the Cowboys and the Redskins into something that makes no sense. Everybody knows Cowboys don't pay any attention to commanders. At least the Cowboys did respect the Native Americans with whom they shared the Great Plains, mutual respect, buffalo meat and the occasional burst of gunfire. Actually, most Native Americans, at least the ones with functioning hormones appropriate to their sex, didn't seem to have a problem with the name of the Washington DC football team. 

 I'm just waiting for an expansion team to show up. I think it should be named "The Whiteskins." Every snowflake in America could root against that team and feel much superior to the redneck rubes that merely come to watch a good football game without any need to have their culture insulted. 

In ancient times, my Celtic ancestors had a tradition. Wandering and not so wandering troubadours and comedians known as bards attended the courts of the ruling class, visited the village squares and the homes of the wealthy (sort of like early social media) and they sang scurrilous songs, told scandalous jokes and because the culture protected such rogues, they poked fun at the wealthy and powerful - kind of a pressure valve that kept the peasants from rising up in the middle of the night and murdering the upper classes in their beds. 

Today, folks like me, the guys at the Babylon Bee, the late great Rush Limbaugh, Ray Stevens, South Park, Saturday Night Live (which has, of late, taken some pretty hard swipes at the omnipotent moral busibodies of the regressive left), Internet sensation Oliver Anthony and others are driven to create satire, to spoof egregious behavior by the rich and oppressive and to make fun of their foolishness. We are the bards of the 21st century. The current wave of so-called wokeness that has overwhelmed our traditional and much-loved cultural icons like Disney, the six o'clock news, and, God help us, the halls of Congress threatens us regular folks out in the heartland. Sadly, the perpetrators of wokeness have lost their sense of humor almost entirely. 

Our betters, back in the olden days tolerated the teasing of the bards and jesters for if they were too thin-skinned about being teased, people figured they were weak and someone with a big sword would come along and relieve them of their heads on behalf of "the people" that Karl Marx claimed to be fighting for. Back when Karl was unemployed, living in his mother's basement, and trying hard to come up with something that would catch on with the hoity toity set, he created socialism, which the British upper class immediately recognized as an ideal mechanism by which to re-institute the old divine right of kings nobility and hierarchy of the leader class. And that is all Marxism/communism is after all and it's why the elitist upper classes love socialism so much. They figure they will be the big dogs after the revolution comes. 

The dismal history of socialism is also why I believe it to be my duty and the duty of every brave soul with a rapier wit and an Internet website to poke fun at and let a little air out of today's over-inflated self-important unearned but self-proclaimed morally superior gasbags. It's part of our heritage. Let's face it Americans were kicked out of every decent country in the world mostly because we just couldn't keep our mouths shut. We come from long lines of sarcastic, loud-mouthed troublemakers. I consider myself a bard, the descendant of generations of bards (and like bard's of yore, I have a sword nearby just in case some over-entitled busybody takes umbrage.)

© 2023 by Tom King

Disney Goes Woker!

Retitled Snow White and the 7 Magical Creatures.
Wonder what would happen if a white guy played
Shaka Zulu in a movie? Almost as ludicrous as German
Max Von Sydow playing Jesus - a Jew if you remember.
Jesus with a  German accent! What happened to the
uproar about cultural appropriation?

 

Well, Disney goes even more woke with a version of Snow White that should be retitled Snow "Brown" and the 7 "Magical Creatures". So long Caucasian German princess. Goodbye 6 of the 7 dwarfs. That's put 6 diminutive actors out of a job. Kind of sucks, but then it was Peter Dinklage's idea. Sucks for him, though. No work for Dinklage either. And he'd have made a lovely Grumpy.

Seems there's only one race going to be canceled in the New Disneyworld Order. Seems a little lop-sided to take one culture's children's stories and "appropriate" them wholesale. There are plenty of stories in every culture that could benefit from the Disney touch. They've already demonstrated that they don't have to depend entirely on the Brother's Grimm. They did Jungle Book, Mulan, Lion King, Kung Fu Panda, Coco and others. Plenty of great stories there. 

It seems a shame that a message is being sent to the kids of one culture that their traditional stories aren't good enough unless they are adjusted to a different, less objectionable ethnicity than their own. Seems, if not racist, at least...........well no. It's definitely racist. But then what do you expect from the staunch allies of the party that fully embraced progressivism in the first place? The party of Jim Crow, the KKK, the Civil War, slavery, lynchings, segregation and separate but unequal. Seems they need at least one race to discriminate against. But like their white supremacist political roots, they have to divide the dominant new "minority" into liberal whites and conservative whites.

And apparently it's us conservative honkies that are the source of everyone's problems.

© 2023 by Tom King

Now One of Our Post-Modern Influencers Says We Need a New Flag

How's this for a flag inspired by the philosophy espoused by the party
of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, and burning crosses and churches?

 

Apparently, one of our post-modern versions of a societal influencer, Grammy winning R&B singer Macy Gray has opined this week on the tragic unwokeness of our American flag. She says we need a new one because the old Stars and Stripes is as obsolete as the Confederate Stars and Bars and racially offensive. Also, according to Gray, the American flag has become "code" for a specific belief, namely mainstream American conservativism. She doesn't say that, directly but I have it on good authority that "specific belief" is progressive code for conservatism and/or Republicans. These days everything is code. We haven't had to work so hard breaking code since World War II when we had to decipher the Japanese military codes and German Enigma codes in order not to be forcibly "woke" by our racially superior foes. Everything we say means something other than what we actually said anymore. This sort of linguistic bullying is familiar to me. I encountered it a lot on school playgrounds when bullies decide the skinny, bespectacled nerdy me was someone they could safely give ugly nicknames to, attach crude suggestions to and/or to punch in the face. The bullies I encounter in my adulthood use words like racist, suggest I'm a bigot, and delete my social media posts. Words like systemic racism covers a multitude of the perceived sins of anyone who disagrees with them. 

To combat this nation's "systemic racism" Oberst Gray suggest we create a new flag. The Grammy Award-winning artist argues that "the American flag’s stars ought to include all skin tones rather than being solely white in order to include all of the nation’s citizens."

So I designed them a new flag along those lines that anticipates further demands for inclusion of symbols/codes for other "woke" belief systems. I have a theory that "inclusive" to progressives means dragging those with certain "specific beliefs" to the base of the progressive "woke" idol. This flag meets several criteria for a "woke" flag.

1. The three main colors are actually sampled from the skin colors of minority races, black, middle-eastern, and Asian specifically. The pink is there to represent women, LGBTQ, and woke white wealthy politicians.
   
2. The feminist symbol was included instead of stars. The progressive ideal is to centralize all power as to make state authority null and void. It's how progressives see "unity" - a system in which there is only one choice.
3. Reduced the number of stripes to 12 since the number 13 is considered bad juju in many minority cultures.
4. None of the evil whiteness is represented. In the new flag, white people are marginalized, even banished from American life for our sins.
   

This flag represents progressive ideas of unity in which all the successfully incorporated into the progressive plantation and who demonstrate their obedient voluntary servitude. the goal of progressive socialism of the sort that people like Macy Gray salivate over reminds me of this Gary Larson cartoon. The cave man has killed a mammoth and opened a primeval version of a soup kitchen. Want to guess what's on the menu? The second cave man, wishing to preserve the illusion of his own freedom, orders exactly what he would have gotten whatever he had asked for.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am sick of elitist snowflakes trying to tell me and everyone else how we must believe, what outrageous nonsense we must accept, what we must surrender to the state and how we must live, and it's all to preserve their authority and privilege status. I've been saying for decades that this is about restoring the elite noble privileged classes to rule over us. They have invoked those who would move us away from dependence on God - Darwin, Marx, Nietzsche, Wells, Shaw, Maslow, Skinner and (God help us) they even quote Mao as authority for the belief that we should surrender our will to the state and to the elite uber(wo)men who run it.

I do not hold to that. I aim to misbehave.

© by Tom King