How Do You Solve a Problem like a Brandon?

Just watched a kid go through our
neighbor's car. I let them know...

 

I posted the following on our neighborhood website. I received an immediate community standards warning. The site's omnipotent moral busybodies that monitor the site will likely take it down, so I've posted my comment here. The kid in the photo to the left had just looted someone's car and got caught on camera. His picture was posted on the Nextdoor app which triggered a lot of angry talk and apparently the name of the kid AND his parents. There was a lot of frustrated talk on the thread with the picture, but not a lot of helpful advice. Gossiping about it isn't terribly helpful either. Here's what I suggested that apparently is anti-woke and must, therefore, be censored.

If this kid has stolen from you or broken into your car, visit the parents in person. Often these folk will nit pick and argue about proof and try to tell you it couldn't be their child. Of course, they know better, but that doesn't mean they'll admit it. Do not attack the parents. They're probably out of their depth. Just state your case, be kind and talk about consequences.

I had to do that once with a kid who beat up my son and left him with a bloody eyeball and me with a $200 doctor bill. His parents spoke no English so I had the bully translate for me. I am certain he did not do so accurately, but they got enough of what I was saying and he heard me promise to carry his fuzzy behind to the police station. He said I couldn't do that and I would be arrested if I did. I told him he'd best hope we didn't wind up in the same jail.  He did not touch my son again which kept my son safe and I didn't have to wrestle with authorities unwilling to act.

You won't leave that house feeling like the parents got the point, but they will. This sort of parent does not want to see you at their front door again, nor do they want to see more pictures of their delinquent son on the Internet. The kid will get over it and perhaps he will learn that his folks may let him get away with it, but the community will not. It may be one of those key points in a young life where they turn back onto the path toward becoming a good person. I've seen it happen. Don't underestimate the power of communicating honestly and remembering to treat all as you would like to be treated.  That's the power of sites like this. We used to sit on porches and talk to the neighbors. Builders stopped putting porches on our houses so the Internet and sites like this have to take on that role.

Remember these steps:
1. Visit the parents
2. Offer to help
3. Outline the consequences of his continued behavior
4. Remind them that not everyone would bother to talk to his parents about his dangerous behavior.

Not sure if this will be kept up here on Nextdoor. I've been warned that it's against community standards. I don't know how, for it is an effective method for dealing with the problem without:

    (a) ruining the kid's life
    (b) trying to go through overworked under-motivated authorities
    (c) convincing the kid that no one is going to stop him.
    (d) Shooting his butt with a load of rock salt when you catch him
            (my great grandfather's solution)

Do not underestimate the power of community for good or evil. Bring problems out into the open. Do not just gossip. People including kids are reluctant to misbehave if everyone is watching and expressing their disapproval with patience and kindness. It's possible to set points beyond which bad behaviors will not be tolerated with kindness. Watch your language and name-calling. Assume the best of others and often they will rise to the occasion.

Just sayin'
Tom King
Alderwood Estates